i had to post this here. originally at louie's secret blog.


it's officially over.

i can't believe that it is. i can't believe you dumped me just because of that text. how dare you really.

fine, i was wrong there. but you never even cared about what i felt that time. why i had to say those words. why i chose the wrong words instead of the right ones. this is just so unfair.

for lets say 4 months of being "together" again, i've changed for you. i had to be strong not only for myself but also for you. i had to do it for us. i had to do it for you.

there was never a day that passed that i didnt think about you. if you'd love to do this. if you'd like to have this. i was unselfish to the point that it was you first. it was always YOU. everything i do was for you, for you, for you. and God forgive me, but i'm tired of this set up.

yes, i guess i never got something in return.

it was funny cause every single thing i did for him was a big mistake. too big that even God perhaps can't take it back for me. i feel so sorry for myself. i feel sorry for another set of months where i had to pretend that someone doesn't exist. and in return, he'd do the same way too. the thing is, i suck at pretending and he is sure good at it.

one mistake, just one mistake. how about your mistakes? how about those stuff you do that i just didnt mind? how about those nights when all i did was understand you? those nights when all i could do is weep but i couldn't cause i have to stay strong. one mistake, and you take all my hopes away.

it was so easy for you, to break my heart. how i wish i'd break yours.

i want you to feel this. the hurt that never exist anymore. the feeling of being numb inside. literally numb inside. i know im crushed but the thing is, i cant feel it anymore.

sad as it may sound but i regret this. whatever happened to us. when it started. why it started in the first place. if i only knew earlier that it would end like this. i should've stopped myself. if not for those words of yours, i should've stopped myself.

too much expectations led us to this. let me rephrase that, too much expectations led me to this.

i lost this again. i cant believe i lost it again.

i lost it without even having something to be proud of. it was just losing nothing. so what am i fretting about?

im broken. im miserable. i dont know how to be happy again...without him. i dont know how days without him feels like. i dont know how shopping without thinking of him feels like. i dont know how days without thinking about him feels like. this sucks big time.

(sorry dear happy secret blog of louie. we just cant help but pollute it with the saddest things.)

i will miss his family. i will miss days with him. i will miss us.

it hurts me cause i wasnt able to take care of this. eventhough i was alone fighting for it, i just cant believe it didnt last that long. fine, 4 months must be long but (insert but questions here.)

goodluck to another fight of the century dear ex lover.

i wont be a hypocrite, i still want you back. i still want us together but i cant do all the moves forever. be a guy. be a man.

maybe i dont really know you, like what you keep on telling me. maybe you are a different person that no one thinks exist. forgive me for accepting you no matter who the hell you are. stupid really. love makes you stupid.

well, i actually dont believe in love anymore. congrats to you and your useless philosophies.