we all should
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Jallers! Feel free to stalk and leave me some love.

Here's a collection of my everyday failures, love, adventures, and sheer randomness.

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my baby, Pepito
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Image Hosted by ImageShack.us I'm Nica. Age 20. A Fine Arts student, Photographer, Company Artist and a full time blogger. I'm pretty sure you know what I blog about (for the avid readers. ofcourse!). I blog about absolutely anything I could think of and dears, sorry in advanced. Most of them are non-sense. I have a love-hate relationship with cab drivers. I procrastinate a lot. And I love like a hopeless romantic.

I do consider myself a workaholic although again like what I said earlier I PROCRASTINATE A LOT. Money makes me happy. I dance and shout once I touch paper bills that are mine. And the thought of being uber rich in the future just makes me feel contentment in life. LOL!

Not a fan of blog leaves. I'll try my best not to do so.

I love hugs and tagboard messages so please give me some. :)

Comment on the tagboard. (my comment box isn't working in this layout.)


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Adtu One Love
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reminiscing
April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 August 2010

gimme some lovin'




give me this and i'll give you the world
cute backpack.
baguio date.
euro trip.
NL.
red bikini.
hug shirt.
earth na stressball.
disney princess slumbook.
cinema one.
VHS player.
highschool day.
makahiya on a pot.
jompy.


*Update this soon. And movies to watch.*

she did my layout
layout tm / dd

Saturday, May 31, 2008
bye, guys.
11:44 AM
i'll be heading to hk in a while.

i will kill chinese people there.

i'll stab anyone and everyone i see.

okay, kidding.



i have no idea how to survive china for 4 days. first of all, I HATE CHINESE FOOD. second, wala lang. tae! i dont like chinese food. imma die there.

DIE DIE DIE!

good thing there's such thing as shopping. :)




thanks durrrd and wifey for the "we love nica day:part2" super enjoyed it. thanks for spoiling me yesterday. first time kong nafeel na naspoil. wee! and wala akong binayad na anything. i forgot to take a picture of ji's stash. THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. biking at QC circle, and the yummy hotel eggs by durrrd and buttered sausages. YUM YUM! thanks! i love you parents. :)

and to macci, i love you. sure did enjoy 21. :) super cute ni japanese guy!!! woohoo! hahaha! manly boobs. tae! and your bangag day. sorry i'm leaving you. wala kang mauuse. take care of yourself okay?

thanks life kasi okay na kami ni josh posporo. :) and i want those skellyphones. (alam ko hindi yun yung tawag. skull whatever daw. ewan pota! basta skellyphones yun. napakacute na headphones. :) )

tapos na yung gonuts planner day-off ko. im back to having goals and back to the "thank you im happy today" days.

ingat kayo dito, stalkers. i love you! sana di na ko bumalik dito. :)) see you guys sa outing (pagumuwi pa ko.) (pagako may nakitang chinitong pogi dun papakasalan ko.) (talaga!) (morenong chinitong pogi) (na mayaman) (may car) (matalino din) (marunong ng chinese, tagalog, english at korean [para pagnagrole play kami tas kunwari koreanovela kami so magkkorean sya bigla])


Thursday, May 29, 2008
google happiness.
9:54 PM
still stuck with the google madness.

since my google window is there and waiting, might as well use it.

funny how desperate i am to find happiness. DESPERATELY DESPERATE.



tinype ko yung "how to deal with heartbreaks." and it wasn't really a big help. i cant believe i have heard of every single advice already. i know them by heart. it was too general. it was useless. i cant believe i actually thought of this. crazy i know, but i am hopeless.

sorry, for making you guys depressed with my posts. i know i should keep this for myself but you see, supressed feelings are dangerous for your health. so perhaps, the guy might die early. (joke lang) aside from his vices, there are many ways for him to die early. (joke lang nga)

and i dont want to be like him. atleast not YET.

how to be happy?
sheesh! i almost forgot that. (yes, i've googled it down too!) give me time, and i'll be doing that. SOON SOON!

i just need a break away from the life i have here in manila. away from the heartbreak. away from him.

GOSH! he was so good of an actor a while ago. he must be getting an award anytime sooner. i'll make him one. i was definitely invisible to him the whole damn time. and the nerve to even join us at banana king. MASAYA SYA EH! best actor. ang galing nyang pagmukain akong invisible sa paningin nya. heres the catch, mas magaling nga lang ako. an award waiting for nica there.


i need EXTREME disneyland rides. psshhhhhh! DISNEY! tangena. how can i get over when everything around me reminds me of him. mapa sa HK. DISNEY DISNEY! (inaasar ko lang sarili ko).

but still, gusto ko lang magbati kami. yun lang. para lang sa peace on earth.



bobo day.
9:07 PM
you guys must know how corrupt my brain is as of the moment.

just now, due to boredom and emotional emoness, i just thought of google-ing china's weather. very random. i went to google to type "china weather" and the outcome of my stupidity, i ended up typing "google". WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?







































a survey.
no-||
yes- |
yes from a show- |



in 50 years.
12:19 AM
okay, seriously, i am nervous.

i dont know what tomorrow brings. literally. i mean, i'll be seeing him tomorrow. and i have no idea what to do.

will he talk to me? or will he just ignore me like those days.

WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR HIM?????????


help me, God. thats all i need for now.

3 more days before the deal expires.



i loved the wedding today. there were moments when i wanted to cry. too bad i had makeup on. it was the sweetest thing. i never saw grandma so kilig. after 50years of being together, she still feels kilig because of grandpa. that sure is love.

kilig kilig. kinikilig parin ako sakanya when i think about the past things he does for me. SHEESSSSHHHH!! tae tae tae. i'll blog about it soon.



i still want us in the end.
it's still you and my happy ending.


Wednesday, May 28, 2008
wake up call.
1:13 AM
okay, so before i spend my time sleeping. i think i have to blog something.



dear readers/fans/friends/stalkers,

i know i have been emo for days which kept my blog alive more than ever. and well, you see, i blog alot when i'm emo. i write good stuff when im emo. i draw good stuff when im emo.

i think im happy. hmm...i really am. 3 days of actually mourning about ex lover was a waste of time. fine, i still think about him. i cant take that away just yet. BUT, there were kind of changes last night.

thinking about him still hurts me. yes. i cant deny that. but i have to be happy. its a need. and i am now. who said that no one could be happy and hurt at the same time?

i am happy because i know there are better things in store for me in the future. i can tell that clearly. it is so vivid, i could tell it to you in details (but i wont).

i have plans. plans that will be kept for now. plans that will work MY WAY. dreams that will be true. dreams that will eventually be part of the present.

i totally agree that this was all partly my fault. well, i dont think "fault" is the right word to use. since i cant find the exact word, just think of it as a "positive" kind of fault. i dunno. sheesh! my brain isnt functioning right now. (the works of being happy inside.) whatever. it was my fault. fine.


talking to frans helped me bring back my inner happy side. everything he said was so true. the mature guy that he is.

frans: think of it this way.. do you really deserve to stay miserable while he's out there, just fine as he is?

true.

that woke me up.
and that ends my blog for tonight. :)


Monday, May 26, 2008
from junjun.
8:48 PM


thank you anak for this. super super natouch ako. I LVOE YOU!! :((



whatever.
7:43 PM
i hate waking up in the morning.




when will i stop saying that???


50 things that i used to love: part2.
  1. porestrips.
  2. bigote.
  3. tongue rings.
  4. disney.
  5. disney princess.
  6. disneyland.
i think i cant fill this up anymore. i just hate every single thing that reminds me of him.

(you see, i haven't been placing turtles here sa list. bahala kayo! i still want turtles.)



50's part 1.
5:35 PM
50 things that i used to love.


  1. cherries.
  2. my nivea lip balm.
  3. my celly phone strap.
  4. my starbucks planner.
  5. my laptop.
  6. my ex wallpaper.
  7. my ex polariod thingies.
  8. my multiply.
  9. my ex ringtone.
  10. my cellyphone.
  11. greenhills.
  12. kwekkwek.
  13. waiting shed.
  14. love itself.
  15. elel!
  16. pancit canton.
  17. lollipops.
  18. love stories.
  19. koreanovelas.
  20. kilig stuff.
  21. full moons.
  22. text messages.
  23. anything that is fucking mushy.
  24. purikuras.
  25. a good life.
  26. dreaming.
  27. being happy.
  28. hugging.
  29. kissing.
  30. m.
  31. s.
  32. rooftops.
  33. his house.
  34. his room.
  35. music.
  36. my itunes.
  37. birthdays.
  38. living.
  39. glasses.
  40. thin guys.
  41. really thin guys.
  42. geekish really thin guys.
  43. jojo.
  44. and his shirt.
  45. his shirts.
  46. flyaway hair.
  47. my hand.
  48. my life.
  49. my love life.
  50. him.



alone time.
4:30 PM
i'm alone again. thanks macci, xian, gel, louie and teta for keeping me company today.

but now, im alone again. i cant be alone.







okay, too much spaces already. gosh! this hurts more than all the hurt i felt before. waking up at the same wrong side of the bed every single day. makes you want to sleep knowing that there's nothing special for the day. knowing that you have no one special for the day. knowing that you have no one special for the next few days, months or whatever.

you know what hurts me most?

the fact that i know, this time, it really is over. he got fed up on me. i dunno.

he knows i cant stand not talking to him. he knows he's my weakness. he knows i cant get angry at him and it was one of our last conversations. the funny thing is, if i cant get angry at him, well he obviously could--at me.

what hurts me is the fact that i have to face this world again without him. just like the past months when we were not in good terms. weird, but this might be harder than last time. last time, we still talk. atleast one of us would reach out no matter what. this time, it's just over.

i cant let him have what he wants all the time. no i cant.



time flies so fast. i remember days when we girls would have h2h and i'd tell them the latest kilig thing jomp did for me. today, they went here not for the latest kilig kwento, but to hear my heart breaking story. (pero di naman ako nagkwento. hahaha!)

he ended something that haven't even started yet.


i need to go to hongkong real soon. i need a place away from everything.



from macci
4:20 PM

nica's heart is broken tonight.

i now have the capability to understand her, unlike before.

but then, i give the same old awful advice about finding and loving someone else.


then i realize, nica is The Paolo. she's the great catch who would make a good wife, girlfriend, lover, everything. she's a wonderful strong girl who's got what it takes.


do i want jompy for her?

no.


i dont anymore.


ack. actually, i dont know.


joyce says: "the people who makes you happy are the people who makes you sad." something like that of the sort.


do i want jompy for nica? im actually biased. i want him for her when he makes her happy, but when he makes nica miserable, i just want to cut him from her life.

i dont want to judge jompy, because im sure he's a great guy. (everyone's great. no harm in saying that. safe answer e.) so im judging in reference to his effect on nica. its negative as of the moment.

i dont know why it lasted this long either. love sure has the weirdest effect in people. fuckity fuck.



the thing is, im understanding stuff now. im jompy. nica's pao. i just want nica to find her mishka (hopefully not..... *insert bitter comments here*)



paolo doesnt deserve me. i dont deserve him either. that's incompatibility for you.

May 24, 2008 11:34 PM




forget about me.
11:30 AM
Hmm
Whoaaa Oohhh
Yeahh


You Said It Wasn't
Gonna Be Like It Was Before
Then It Happened Again
Pushing Me Back Out The Door
Thought It Would Be Forreal This Time
Love Me Forget About The Signs
So Now What Do I Do
Now, That I Know That We're Through


Wish That I Could Move On
Can't Let Go, It's Too Strong
Just Like That And Then You're Gone
Is This How You Wanted It To Be
Everything You Had To Say
Sent The Tears Right Down My Face
Now I'm Trying To Escape
The Misery
Why Don't You Love Me
The Way I Loved You
It Feels So Crazy
Cause I Dunno What I Did To You
If You're Gonna Hurt Me
Then Do It Quickly
Cause I'm Tired Of Cryin
If You Don't Wanna Stick Around
Then, Baby, Forget About Me


Too Late, Sorry
I Didn't Even Have The Chance
You Said You Were Happy
Baby, I Don't Understand
Gave You Everything You Asked For
And Was Ready To Give You A Lot More
I Would've Given The World
Right In The Palm Of Your Hand


Wish That I Could Move On
Can't Let Go, It's Too Strong
Just Like That And Then You're Gone
Is This How You Wanted It To Be
Everything You Had To Say
Sent The Tears Right Down My Face
Now I'm Trying To Escape
The Misery
Why Don't You Love Me
The Way I Loved You
It Feels So Crazy
Cause I Dunno What I Did To You
If You're Gonna Hurt Me
Then Do It Quickly
Cause I'm Tired Of Cryin
If You Don't Wanna Stick Around
Then, Baby, Forget About Me


Boy, My Heart Was True
And That You Can't Deny
Don't Be A Fool
And Walk Away From All The Lies
It's Up To You
Cause Heaven Knows I've Tried
Tell Me You're Still In Love
Yeahhhh Ohh

Why Don't You Love Me
The Way I Loved You
It Feels So Crazy
Cause I Dunno What I Did To You
If You're Gonna Hurt Me
Then Do It Quickly
Cause I'm Tired Of Cryin
If You Don't Wanna Stick Around
Then, Baby, Forget About Me
Forget About Me...


forgett about me..
oh baby oh


Sunday, May 25, 2008
the ring.
6:46 PM
i remember days when he'd want to remove my ring from my finger.


nica: ano ba! magaaway tayo.
(sige parin sya sa pagtanggal)
nica: ang kulit mo! magaaway nga tayo eh.

he wasn't successful really. he never got the chance to take it from my finger. i didn't want to risk it eventhough it's only a superstition or whatever you want to call it. i dont want us fighting again. not in my plans anymore, not ever.


during the mass, as i was playing with my ring, i felt as if it was cracked. my ring was and is broken. for real. i could break it into two if i wanted to. if i could just see my heart right now, it must've looked the same. it was red, with little white spirals. and just recently, it got semi-burned because of the lacquer thinner incident that almost burned my finger. so the inside is now color black. and today, it had a crack. quite similar to this heart in me. red, anemic, burned and broken.

hahaha! this is funny. this is like my 4th blog entry today. jeesh! emo shit.

last night, i felt literally heart burned. it felt like hell. wow! a glimpse of hell for me there.

and this all happened in may. and it must end in may.



third deadly sin: wrath
3:13 PM
I WANNA KILL!

God, forgive me but i wanna kill. if not myself, then give me a person to do that special task with.

I AM ANGRY! i dunno with whom but i am. im 100% sure about it. partly because of myself.



sorry blog readers. witness the greatest plot of my life--yet.



wake up, self!
3:06 PM
i had to post this here. originally at louie's secret blog.


it's officially over.

i can't believe that it is. i can't believe you dumped me just because of that text. how dare you really.

fine, i was wrong there. but you never even cared about what i felt that time. why i had to say those words. why i chose the wrong words instead of the right ones. this is just so unfair.

for lets say 4 months of being "together" again, i've changed for you. i had to be strong not only for myself but also for you. i had to do it for us. i had to do it for you.

there was never a day that passed that i didnt think about you. if you'd love to do this. if you'd like to have this. i was unselfish to the point that it was you first. it was always YOU. everything i do was for you, for you, for you. and God forgive me, but i'm tired of this set up.

yes, i guess i never got something in return.

it was funny cause every single thing i did for him was a big mistake. too big that even God perhaps can't take it back for me. i feel so sorry for myself. i feel sorry for another set of months where i had to pretend that someone doesn't exist. and in return, he'd do the same way too. the thing is, i suck at pretending and he is sure good at it.

one mistake, just one mistake. how about your mistakes? how about those stuff you do that i just didnt mind? how about those nights when all i did was understand you? those nights when all i could do is weep but i couldn't cause i have to stay strong. one mistake, and you take all my hopes away.

it was so easy for you, to break my heart. how i wish i'd break yours.

i want you to feel this. the hurt that never exist anymore. the feeling of being numb inside. literally numb inside. i know im crushed but the thing is, i cant feel it anymore.

sad as it may sound but i regret this. whatever happened to us. when it started. why it started in the first place. if i only knew earlier that it would end like this. i should've stopped myself. if not for those words of yours, i should've stopped myself.

too much expectations led us to this. let me rephrase that, too much expectations led me to this.

i lost this again. i cant believe i lost it again.

i lost it without even having something to be proud of. it was just losing nothing. so what am i fretting about?

im broken. im miserable. i dont know how to be happy again...without him. i dont know how days without him feels like. i dont know how shopping without thinking of him feels like. i dont know how days without thinking about him feels like. this sucks big time.

(sorry dear happy secret blog of louie. we just cant help but pollute it with the saddest things.)

i will miss his family. i will miss days with him. i will miss us.

it hurts me cause i wasnt able to take care of this. eventhough i was alone fighting for it, i just cant believe it didnt last that long. fine, 4 months must be long but (insert but questions here.)

goodluck to another fight of the century dear ex lover.

i wont be a hypocrite, i still want you back. i still want us together but i cant do all the moves forever. be a guy. be a man.

maybe i dont really know you, like what you keep on telling me. maybe you are a different person that no one thinks exist. forgive me for accepting you no matter who the hell you are. stupid really. love makes you stupid.

well, i actually dont believe in love anymore. congrats to you and your useless philosophies.



second deadly sin: envy.
12:18 PM
i envy the young love. immature as you may find it, but it is happy. it knows no plots on how life would work yet it lives. impossible but it lasts longer.

how i wish we had that. i wish we acted like kids who's willing to take risks not thinking whats ahead of us. just free. scared of nothing. thinks of nothing but the present. lives not in the past and loves not for the future. just now. just now, that's what matters.



things fade. issues fade. funny, but time just washed it all away. and i just stupidly made all fates work useless. the effort of time was easily vanished because of me being impatient. when all the skies were almost ready for the sun, it rained.

with all the uncertainty for the past months, it leads back here. it answered all my questions. God i wish it was all wrong but keep me wishing forever. im used to this and it is indeed tiring. nevertheless, i dont and wont mind doing this. tiring, yes, but it keeps me alive.


i still want you back. to hell and back. i have no time for hypocrisy. you still hold this heart.

you see, im learning. im learning well. im learning good. i just cant wait to be great.



to people who thought this would happen beforehand, thanks for indirectly wishing for me to get hurt again. it was so nice of you.

to fate, you suck!

to love, i dont believe you anymore. you brought me back to the same scenario, only this hurts better.

to you, words are just useless anymore. typing it again and again isn't worth the trouble. if you still care about us, about me, my lines are never busy. but if you dont, SO BE IT.



thanks alot.
10:24 AM
can you believe it's over?


i can't either.


Friday, May 23, 2008
first deadly sin: PRIDE.
5:28 PM
waiting.

waiting.


waiting.

waiting.

waiting.



Thursday, May 22, 2008
you loser.
5:11 PM
please.



i remembered how emo-ish macci and i were that night after his party. but it was funny cause we still had reasons to laugh our guts out.

  1. madami na kasi syang pinagdaanan. BWAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!! fuck you!!!
  2. the "cool" topic. the very very cool topic.

grabe! tawa lang kami ng tawa till 5am. benta.

yun yung mga moments na feel mo super alive ka! WOW! :)

PLEASE! :(



Wednesday, May 21, 2008
the sign.
4:57 PM
i thought of a sign. sign na lahat na ng gusto kong mangyari samin nakawinzip na dun. tas yun nga. medyo impossible din kasi pero malay naman diba?

binigyan ko sya nung mr. stoner na shirt. so sabi ko, pagkasinuot nya yun sa birthday party nya edi basta lahat na ng gusto ko nga mangyayari na.


pagdating ko ng bahay nya wala sila ni breechy. pagdating nya, nakagray sya na shirt. so isang malaking. TAE! alam ko naman eh na di nya yun susuotin. asa pa diba? pero terno kami na gray. EH ANO NAMAN!??? hindi naman yun kasama sa sign.

nung medyo nagdaan na ang araw. hahaha! hindi naman, siguro around 3? basta humiram si breechy ng damit kay jomp kasi ayaw syang palapitin ni pao dahil mabaho sya. anyway, not the point. basta yun nga, biglang nung papasok ako ng bahay, labas si jomp. tas nagpalit sya ng damit. YUNG BIGAY KO! :)

TAE TAE TAE TAE TAE TAE!

sinuot nya! :((

yun lang bow. sinuot lang nya. ewan ko lang kung mangyayari yung mga wish ko. :))

aabangan ko nalang siguro.



updates.
3:13 PM
so there are days when you just want to forget but the world just wont let you.

i spent the rest of the day watching supernaturals season3. (skipped season2 cause keith and i couldnt find one.) anyhoos, it was fun watching it. namiss ko sya super. love dean and sam ofcourse.

tae yung supernaturals. lagi akong may naaalalang stuff about him habang nanunuod ako. 10 episodes lang pala un.

basta marami pa eh. dapat sinulat ko everytime may naaalala akong moment.

macci and i spent a moment erasing "him" stuffs on our phones. so she erased pao's movie like videos (which reminds me of 40 days and 40 nights movie) and i erased jompy's messages(favorite messages from him), his number (memorize ko naman) and his pics (na nakasave na naman sa laptop). isa lang hindi ko mabura, YUNG "nica" message tone na gawa nya. :((

ANYWAY.

nagtext sya kaninang 2:34am. kakatulog ko lang nun. tapos first time hindi ako nagising. when i woke up around 8, chineck ko phone ko tas nagtext sya ng "gcng ka pa?". nagulat talaga ako kasi matagal na nya kong di tinetext ng ganun. (sa mga nakakaalam, hindi kagandahan yung huling text ko kay jompy, basta.) dinoble check ko pa kung sya ba talaga yun or kung nananaginip lang siguro ako. pero oo, SYA TALAGA.

miss ko na sya. pero kailangan ko tong gawin para sa ikabubuti naming dalawa. para patas lang. para fair.

so, siguro aantayin ko nalang yung text nya uli. na gising ako. (kung magtext man sya) yun naman yun eh. kung gusto nya talaga akong makausap uli. gagawa at gagawa sya ng paraan. dito ko malalaman kung gagawa nga ba sya ng paraan uli.




just perfect.
1:51 PM
i haven't updated a soul for a long time. blame it on smart bro! so, i was blogging at the very famous ms word for heaven's sake. here's one entry.



May 18, 2008 10:44am

So diba nga yung plan A na yung ginawa ko kasi natuloy yung gig. Sa totoo lang, yun ang pinakasafe na plano sa buong world eh. So anyway, yun nga. Plan A yung ginawa ko.

Grabe! Ang perfect lang nung nangyari talaga. AS IN! kasi diba iniwan ko yung gift ko sakanya sa room nya nung Friday. ANG INSENSITIVE TALAGA NUN! Tas basta inaantay ko na magthank you sya sakin kahapon. Basta buong araw kong inantay pero wala. So carry lang.

Mga 11:00pm kagabi antok na ko talaga pero naisip kong tatawagan ko nalang sya ng 12:00. eh ano naman kung hindi ako yung maunang maggreet sakanya diba? Basta ako yung unang tatawag. Hahaha! Benta. So nagalarm ako ng 12:00am. Tinamad akong bumangon kasi nakakaantok. Natulog ako for two minutes. Buti nalang at nagising na ko ng tuluyan. So tumawag na ko.

Basta imaginin nyo nalang na happy sya nyan.

Jompy: hello?
Nica: happy birthday… (antok mode)
Jompy: thank you. Kantahan mo ko ng happy birthday.
Nica: totoo?
Jompy: joke lang.
Nica: ay akala ko totoo. Kakanta dapat ako.
Jompy: hahaha!
Nica: nakila Jaqs ka parin?
Jompy: yup!
Nica: nakita mo na ba yung gift ko sayo?
Jompy: meron?
Nica: oo. Iniwan ko sa room mo. Nakapaper bag.
Jompy: talaga? Check ko mamaya.
Nica: okay. Dalawa yun eh.
Jompy: dalawang paper bag?
Nica: hindi. Dalawang stuff.
Jompy: ah…okay. Thank you in advance.
Nica: okay. Hehehe.
Jompy: Monday ha.
Nica: hehehe. Okay.
Jompy: okay.
Nica: okay.

(basta puro okay na marami.)

Nica: sige, yun lang.
Jompy: okay.
Nica: okay.
Jompy: okay.

(puro okay uli.)

Nica: sige, babay.
Jompy: bye.
Tas natulog na uli ako. Ang saya ko nun super. SUPER KINILIG AKO! Ewan ko ba? PERO BASTA KINIKILIG TALAGA AKO NUN! (hanggang ngayon habang tinatype ko toh.)

Nagising ako around 3am. Usually kasi, pagnagttext sya sakin ng madaling araw, nagigising ako. Pero basta may nagtext nga sakin ng mga 3:16am ata. Tas sya nga. Sabi nya, “Nica! Nakita ko na yung gift mo! Ang fun! Haha thank you.Ü” WALA! ANG SAYA KO NANAMAN YUN!

Feeling ko yun yung pinakarewarding feeling na naramdaman ko ever. I mean, pagbinibigyan ko sya ng stuff, feeling ko yun yung pinakanagustuhan nya talaga. Siguro yun din kasi yung gift na parang pinaghirapan kong makuha para sakanya. Punong puno ng love yung gift na yun. Super! :)



Fun lang talaga. Ibang level yung tuwa ko. :)

Happy Birthday.


Thursday, May 15, 2008
wallpaper.
1:41 AM
im at nikki's place right now and its exactly 1:53am. i should be sleepijng right now cause i still have to go to school tomorrow for the assessment of fees whatever. not dancing at the moment so i wasted my time compiling this. i think ill use this as my wallpaper since birthday naman nya soon. :)


Wednesday, May 14, 2008
plan B.
10:05 PM
sa kasamaang palad, ang PLAN A ay mukang hindi mangyayari.

okay, let me explain.

you see, naputulan kami ng internet nung monday. leaving all my supposedly emo blog entries gone and ummm non existent? so anyway, lets just talk about plan A.

plan A:
friday gig ng larry puyat (highschool band nila jomp at bomb). tas pupunta nako dun. tas bibigay ko yung gift. tapos matutulog ako kila gel or jihan after. yun. simple lang. im hitting two birds with one stone kasi gusto ko manood ng gig nya this summer and finally makakapunta nako sa bday party-ish nya. (last year kasi hindi ako pumunta kasi badtrip lang. :)) ) anyway. so yun nga.

MUKANG WALANG GIG NA MAGAGANAP!

so ang nangyari, kung may plan A, malamang may plan B!

ang plan B:

nica: OMG!
nica: sa sunday kaya??
nica: TINGIN MO???
nica: sa bday nya mismo
nica: worse comes to worst
lester salcedo: oo noh!!!!
lester salcedo: haha
lester salcedo: habang tulog pa siya
lester salcedo: pnta ka ng maaga
lester salcedo: tapos kaw gumising
lester salcedo: tapos pag dilat niya
lester salcedo: hug mo
lester salcedo: then kiss
lester salcedo: tapos happy bday
lester salcedo: :D
lester salcedo: haha
lester salcedo: wee
lester salcedo: awwwwwwwwww
lester salcedo: shit


sa totoo lang. gusto ko talagang gawin toh. SOBRA! sana nga wala nalang gig tas ito yung gagawin ko. AS IN :(( sobrang sobrang sobra!!! kinikilig ako!!! WAAAAAAAH! :)

NAEEXCITE NA KO! :)

hahaha! eh pero di ko parin gagawin toh. hahaha! pampakilig lang sa utak. :))


Sunday, May 11, 2008
TAE TAE TAE!
10:03 AM
PUTANGINA!!!

wala na kong mukang ihaharap sayo sobra!

ang kulit mo kasi eh....tanong ka ng tanong. ayan tuloy, sinabi ko. :(( nakakahiya talaga. ANO BA!!! panira ka talaga!! anong gagawin ko ngayon? gusto pa naman kitang kasama bukas. malamang sa tuesday di ako magpaparamdam sayo. sa friday, nagddalawang isip pa ko kung pupunta ako sa gig-ish mo kung matuloy.. :(( GRABE NA TONG KAHIHIYAN NA TOH! :((

hahaha! dun ko literal naramdaman ang... HEARTBREAK! :(( totoo. hahaha! ang weird.

ANO BA????? ANONG GAGAWIN KO??? PUTCHA NAMAN EH! whatever i told you last night, ikaw ang may kasalanan nun noh! hindi lang ako. kaya wag kang epal! TAE KA!!


TAE KA!!!


Saturday, May 10, 2008
nostalgia.
12:02 AM
tae! fierce look ata trip nya ngayon. at ang itim ko na uberly.


may mga tanong ako sakanya pagnagkita kami eh. ipopost ko na dito! TAE KASI TONG SECRET BLOG EH! MEJO HINDI NA SECRET! :) wag nyo nalang muna pagkalat. kailangan ko kasing ilagay para di ko maforget. :)


i just felt like placing this. grabe! ever EVER since, i had this thing for you. tangena!!

from your weird hair. (nov 06)

your cool hair and my out dated hair. (feb 07)

to my short hair. (feb 08)

and lastly, your glassless cute self. (april 08)

i cant believe it seemed like we grew up together. :)) tita che even thought we were high school friends. hahaha! kinda it looks like that though. its been two years now and im still counting. we've been through a lot and we know that. i guess ill be waiting for the next few months so i could place a new picture of us with a new do. perhaps my curly hair or ummm you getting fatter. i mean, people are saying you're getting fat these days (weeeeeee!) pero a bit more than that sana. :)


gosh! maybe i'd be posting pics of us from time to time. or EVERYTIME. i just love looking at our pics. brings back the happy times. :) it makes me miss you less. :)


deepee,
i miss you again today.
hope you'll never go away.
and as i sleep tonight.
please take away my fright.
all i need is you.
forever will you be true?
someday we'll be together.
and our hearts will be better. :)


Friday, May 9, 2008
i miss you. :((
2:05 AM
dear deepee,

i miss your goodnight messages.
i miss your fly away hair.
i miss your tongue ring.
i miss your very hot room.
i miss your electricfan.
i miss your bed.
i miss your hugs.
i miss it when you call my name.
i miss it when you make pacute.
i miss it when you "beh!"
i miss your scent.
i miss your lips.
i miss that moment when we were cooking.
i miss our ym conversations.
i miss it when you text me happy stuff.
i miss dreaming about you.
i miss kissing you.
i miss spending days with you doing nothing.
i miss going to your house after PE.
i miss eating with you and your family.
i miss walking beside you.
i miss walking behind you.
i miss it when you smell like alcohol.
i miss it when you smell like yosi.
i miss it when you look at me.
i miss it when act like you didn't.
i miss it when you baby talk.
i miss it when you pull me closer to you.
i miss it when you hold me.
i miss it when i put cherry on you.
i miss it when you do the sad face.
i miss it when you pout your lips.
i miss your KALYO!! shet! how could i forget that!
i miss it when you take a bath.
i miss it when your body is cold.
i miss it when i cuddle you.
i miss your waist. ( WAAH! ANG SEXY NUN EH!)
i miss tickles (yung bigote mo).
i miss your hair.
i miss you.



unfair kayo!!! PE MATES! :))
12:28 AM
hanggang ngayon di ko parin kilala yung may crush sakin sa PE. naglast day na at lahat! panira kasi yung sinabi ni kim eh...hahaha! panira din yung sinabi ni don.

don: may boyfriend na ba raw si nica?
kim: may kinda boyfriend sya. (tama nga naman, yun kasi yung pagkasabi ko kay kim eh.)

and dahil dun, di ko na nakilala yung lalake. hahaha! sabi ni macci, feel nya si mokong. tangena naman! pero medyo okay lang. its either mokong or choel (harry potter) lang ang pwede. WAG LANG SI KOLOKOY UTANG NA LOOB! ayoko ng hedgehog/porcupine. :))

ang sama ko.

ayun, nagbonding yung mga PE mates ko. WALA AKO! :(( actually, si jae lang yung gusto kong ibonding eh. bat ba? ang cute nya! aampunin ko sya. kung hindi man maging kami ni jae, eh di aampunin namin sya ni jmp. hahaha! labo. so habang nagbbonding ang PE mates ko sa fairview (na wala ako) inaantay ko si gailing gailing (na crush ni june sa wowowee) at nakatulog ako. nagising ako 12 hours after. HUWOW! napakahusay.


napanaginipan ko si jmpy kanina. hmmm...nakalimutan ko na yung nangyari eh. basta parang nakatira kami sa same house. ewan? tapos may pagkain. (tinatry ko syang alalahanin right this very moment). basta feeling ko maganda yung nangyari eh. tipong sana di nalang ako nagising. miss ko na sya.

kadiri. ayan! dito ko na nalalabas yung pagkaneedy ko. ALAM NYO NANG NEEDY TALAGA AKO SAKANYA! tinatago ko lang. pero wala naman talaga akong ginagawa kahit atat na ko sakanya or pagsobrang "kailangan" ko na sya. i hate over analyzing things. hindi ko kasi alam talaga eh. kung san ako lulugar. basta miss ko na sya. SUPER MISS KO NA YUNG BUONG PAGKATAO NYA!

hindi ko alam kung kelan ko sya pwede idate para sa birthday nya. eto yung malupitan kong plano for the week. sana magwork.

monday: may swimming with blockada. no alone time with him.
tuesday: (free day)
wednesday: may swimming with PE people then party after. mukang sleepover at macci's.
thursday: pagoodshot mode.
friday: pagoodshot mode.
saturday: nagaassume na ko na may gig ang larry puyat this day. tas birthday nya tomorrow.
sunday: birthday nya. yun lang. iniisip ko kung pupunta ako sakanila kahit sandali lang.

OMG! ANG LAPIT NA NG BIRTHDAY NYA! sana masolo ko sya for a while. FOR A WHILES (hahaha! madami dapat eh). amf! sana hindi nya mabasa tong blog ko. tangena! :))

kelan ko kaya sya pwede idate? waaaaah! after birthday nalang nya siguro. para may magawa ako. :))


MISS NA KITA SUPER!!! walang kwenta kasi nung tuesday eh. RAR!! :)

gusto rin pala kita bilhan ng boxers. hmmm...hahaha! para...wala lang. :))


Wednesday, May 7, 2008
because of the perv, i'm emo tonight.
9:46 PM
all the happy vibes suddenly vanished after sitting inside the colorum. that perv sitting next to me was definitely annoying. alam mo yun? im not rude in real life but he was pushing me to be that kind of person. parang the hell?!! hindi na ako naniniwala sa "don't talk to strangers" na sobrang classic na sinasabi satin ng parents natin noon pero wag mong abusuhin to the point na sobrang ang manyak mo na tignan. actually, stalker-ish.

eto namang si jmp, as always, kung kelan kailangan ko sya, dun pa sya matagal bago nagreply. siguro kung may manyak na sumusunod sakin, at sinabihan ko sya agad about it. wala. narape na ko bago pa sya magreply sakin. di ko narin mababasa yung message kasi patay na siguro ako or ninakaw narin yung cellphone ko or kami na nung rapist kasi narealize kong si zanjoe sya or some random hot guy.

bumaba uli ako sa church para magpray. grabe yung nararamdaman ko na nakakagago ang buhay. ilang beses na ko naganito ng mga bastos na lalake na hindi ko alam kung baket nageexist. hindi na din sila nadadaan sa english. talagang sadyang stalker na bastos na walang modo sila. inis na inis ako kanina! ibang level. pumasok nanaman tuloy sa utak ko si jmp.


is it worth it? lahat ng mga ginagawa ko. lahat ng nangyayari. worth it ba toh? alam kong madalas nakikita ako ng mga tao na masaya. masaya naman talaga ako pero syempre minsan naffeel ko parin na parang ang empty or unsure or alone ko. alam ko meron akong "someone" to keep me company in this life pero until now i'm still not sure if he's staying with me or what. wala akong magawa kung hindi magstay beside him, love him and make him happy everytime he wants me to. pero minsan naiisip ko, pano pagako naman yung may kailangan nung love, baket hindi ko nakukuha sakanya yun?

gusto ko rin ng may nagtatanggol sakin kahit papano. yung maghhug sakin ng random lang kasi miss na nya ko. yung ikkiss ako sa harap ng mga tao. yung hahawak nalang bigla sa kamay ko habang naglalakad kami.

isang araw lang ata sa buong buhay ko nangyari yun. nung nasa greenhills. sana hindi na natapos yung araw na yun.


BAKET BA KO NAIIYAK NGAYON??

alam mo ba yung feeling na ang saya saya mo kasi may super sweet kang ginawa for him tas parang biglang wala lang sakanya. or fine, hindi naman sa wala lang sakanya yun pero feel mo you were not appreciated.

ganun siguro yung nararamdaman ko.

naguguluhan na din ako sa kung ano ang dapat sa love. ano nga ba? i admit, i'm afraid to do things that might be wrong. i'm afraid to lose him but how can i know whether what i'm doing will keep him beside me? what should i do to make things a little less than complicated? kelan kaya sya uli magiging sweet sakin?

okay lang naman talaga na hindi sya sweet eh pero alam mo yun, sana parang hindi ako nababale wala-ish. yun lang.

sa totoo lang, sobra sobra na yung nabubuwis ko dito. SOBRA SOBRA NA. nakakapagod pero wala akong magawa. :((

sana parang lang kahapon, kaming dalawa lang sa kitchen. hinawakan nya ko sa waist. inakbayan ko sya. hinawakan nya uli ako sa waist tapos dinala sa harap nya at hinug. sabay lang namin tinitignan na kumulo yung tubig ng pancit canton. tapos dahan dahan na nya nilalapit yung mukha nya sakin para ikiss ako.

ganun lang kasimple. pero punong puno ng love. yun yung gusto ko pero pano ko yung makukuha lagi?


sorry sa mga magbabasa dyan. dahil alam nyo yung secret blog ko. sorry nalang kayo.



adventure time.
8:12 PM
just like the sluts two blog entries earlier, THE PERVS SHOULD BURN IN HELL!!!

nice way to start a blog entry.

i just got home from the 3 hour ''adventure" bes and i had a while ago. grabe! sobrang nakakapagod. dito naglaro ang simple probability sa araw ko. (grabe! right now ang mixed emotions ko. sobrang masaya ako, sobrang naiiyak ako at sobrang nacconfuse ako all at the same time)

after geno's surprise party, i decided to go home earlier than everyone else. KAILANGAN KO UMUWI NG MAAGA KASI GALIT SI PAPA LAST NIGHT. eh since nasa proj6 kami, dadaan na muna akong trinoma para bilin na yung birthday gift ko kay j. pagdating dun, WALA SILANG STOCK NUNG SPECIFIC GIFT NA YUN! medyo okay okay pa ko kasi pwede pa kong dumaan ng G4 kasi meron din branch-ish dun. pagdating namin ni bes dun, meron sila pero it was too big for him. useless din kung bilhin ko yun baka di nya gamitin. tapos sabi nung salesman dun, "try nyo po sa gb5, 2nd floor. kakaopen lang po last month." so kami naman ni bes, "ocge gb5 na tayo." so naglakad nanaman kami ng pagkalayo layo. pagdating dun, WALA!!!!!!! WALA SILANG STOCK! grabe, 3 out of 5 branches na toh. nakakamatay. tuyo na lalamunan namin kakakwento ng mga kung ano ano. pagod na kami maglakad. gutom na kami. ewan, isang malaking PAKSHET nalang talaga. 5:30 na nun, last resort ko na toh for the day--bonifacio high street branch. ayun, nagfieldtrip kami ni bes papunta dun habang kumakain ng take out sa BK. ang weird lang cause i felt as if ang tagal ng ride than the usual. finally, nakita ko na yung malaking B3 ng boni high street. bumaba na kami. at sa kasamaang palad, napaaga ang baba namin. ANG LAYO PA PALA NAMIN! sabay nakita ko pang dumaan yung bus way way near the place. no choice so nilakad nalang namin. total, manhid na kami kakalakad.

at the 4th branch of david and goliath.

nica: miss, may mr. stoner pa ba kayo?
saleslady: meron pa po mam. last stock na po to.
nica: talaga? (super glowing smile) ay, medium po ha?
*kinakabahan na ko nito ng sobra! crossed fingers. sana medium*
saleslady: (kinukuha yung shirt) medium po sya.
nica: OMG!!!!

thanks ate happy. :)


the end. yun lang. finally finally finally!!! nabili ko rin sya. sobrang napaglaruan ako ng tadhana. LOL! very deep. after 3 fucking hours and 3 fucking stores (3 lang kasi yung 4th store naman may stock eh). grabe yung pagod namin ni bes pero sobrang saya lang kasi sobrang paid off talaga yung "hirap" para lang makuha sya. it felt as if it was really meant for him. YEY!



ang saya lang nun. habang andun kami sa napakacool na bus pabalik. the ponds 7 days bus. sabi nga ni bes, nakuha ko daw yun dahil baka kasi naghirap ako para mahanap sya. OMG! dun naman pumapasok yung law of attraction sa kwento. sabi nga ni paul, "ang law of attraction, hindi lang sya ask then receive. kailangan gumawa ka ng paraan para makuha mo sya. may action." yung simple probability naman, akalain mo sa 4 stores na yun, 1 lang ang meron. AMF!

i'm just happy that i didn't need to go to rockwell (my uberly last resort) for that shirt. hindi ako hinayaan ni God na umuwi ng tired and empty handed today. :) ang magical ng day. ang magical ng love.


ALL FOR LOVE.




*badtrip pala yung secret turtles happy meal ng BK. (oo, HAPPY MEAL! hahaha!) TAE!!!


Tuesday, May 6, 2008
i'm on a high, on a high.
8:59 PM
there are better ways to make me high. yes, i'm so over the alcohol days. tangena! pinagsawaan ko na talaga ng husto yun. ngayon, yosi mode na. sheeesssh! pero on the way to school, iniisip ko na namimiss ko yung alcohol. parang yun yung legal way para maging high and all.

thanks to khan, i realized that i dont need alcohol. FOR REAL! mountain dew (mountain juice) is the bomb!


things that made me high today:
  1. volleyball and camwhoring. and winning.
  2. dancing. (thanks miguel for teaching us.)
  3. mountain dew. benta yung sa jeep. super laughtrip lang. literally.
  4. poker.
  5. reading.
  6. and him. :)

ANG SAYA KO POTCHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

yung winiwish ko for almost a month...nagkatotoo na!!! :)) BWAHAHAHA!! tae ka!

happy day. happy day. happy day. :)

super super super namiss ko na ikiss ka ng ganun katagal. YAY!!! grabe grabe!! super talaga. hahahaha!! magluluto pala ha. yan na ang modern luto ng pancit canton. yan ang "cooking with love". :)

BWAHAHAHA! :))



thanks miffy sa pagturo ng dance. MAHAL KITA! :)


there will be a surprise tomorrow for this one special person.